nobody's perfect
by tatty ted
Summary: Brianna Stone isn't the easiest teenager to live with. With various medical disorders, it's difficult to understand her, more so now her parent's have split up. Until the day Brianna falls in love and wants help. But will Brianna receive the help she needs? Or will love become a heartbreak and tragedy strike her in the heart? - —Lara/Patrick/OC.
1. i — skips school, won't eat

**NOTES **— this fic will deal with anorexia and bulimia, as well as drug taking, sexual behaviour, suicide attempts and self-harm.

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nobody's perfect.  
>i. skips school, won't eat.<p>

Got to be more perfect than everyone else. That's the voice in the back of her mind every minute of every hour of every day.

She weighs herself three times a day, (_morning, noon and night_) hoping and wishing the scales will move down to five stone. When she's heavier than that, she screams and shouts, trashes the bathroom and sits on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

She _starves_ herself. Every calorie she saves is another calorie to perfection. She spends hours, sitting on her bed, tearing _oh-so-perfect _images of skinny celebrities from magazines, sticking them to her wall and admiring them. Inspiration is what she calls them.

She doesn't last longer than a week by starving herself. By the weekend, she loses the plot (_emotionally_) and raids the cupboards. She eats everything, takes the lids of the jam pots and sticks her fingers in the pot before eating it.

She eats biscuits, cakes, crisps, chocolates until her cupboards and fridge are empty. Then utterly disgusted with how fat and full and weak she is, she runs to the bathroom, locks the door and drops to her knees. She ties her hair back with the purple bobble she keeps on her wrist and sticks her fingers down her throat.

And it's not nice.

She gags several times but she eventually she throws up all the food in her stomach. When her stomach growls in response, she's satisfied that her stomach's empty and she stands up, flushing the chain. She heads over to the sink where she washes her hands an even number of times.

_(always got to be an even number) _She thinks as her hands turn red from the amount of scrubbing. When she's finished, she goes into her bedroom and gets changed. She dresses in a provocative manner, a short skirt and top.

She grabs her jacket, grabs a couple of notes of the side, rolls them up and sticks them down her bra. Then, she gets her fake ID and heads to the club.

/

She's brought a few tabs of LSD, sticks one to her tongue and waits for it to react. It's not the trip she's hoping for, she wants to be happy and get off her head but it has the opposite effect.

She ends up in a bad trip. It shits her up, literally. She see's things that aren't there, the people she meets are becoming skeletons before her very eyes and she doesn't know what to do. The walls cave in and she screams, runs to the bathroom and locks herself in a cubicle.

She calms down eventually, slowly comes out of the trip and realising she never wants to try LSD for as long as she lives; she sells the rest of the tabs. She only makes fifteen pounds but it's money. She can't complain.

She heads on the dance-floor, alcopop in her hand and she dances sexily with the first man she sets eyes on. Obviously, it's not long before they've got their tongues down each others throats and his hands are somewhere they shouldn't be.

He takes her home where they spend the rest of the night, making love. It's unprotected of course and she doesn't care whether she catches a sexually tranmitted disease or ends up pregnant; none of that can happen to her, she thinks.

/

In the morning, when the sun shines and the birds sing, it doesn't get any easier. To her, she's still living in a nightmare.

She's in some strangers bed, a man she didn't even get the name off. Instead, she leaves a note, signs it with a fake name and a kiss. From what she could remember from the night before, it was good sex but she'll be at it with somebody else this evening. She doesn't do one sexual partner, she does several.

She climbs out of bed and throws on the clothes from last night. Making sure she's not left anything behind, she leaves the dingy flat and heads home. It's cold out, people passing her in the street and giving her dirty looks but she doesn't care.

It's a free country, she can do what the hell she wants.

/

Home sweet home, she thinks as she opens the front door.

She's supposed to be at school but she hasn't been in over a week. Her mother's hardly noticed, not surprising seeing as she was hardly at home, always pulling double shifts because _they needed the money_.

She's got low self-esteem,doesn't feel worthy. There's always that bitch in the back of her head telling her she's fat and because she's fat her mother will leave her soon. She doesn't want that, her father's already left and that was her fault for not been a good enough daughter.

She hasn't got a clue about her identity. Who the fuck is she? She really doesn't know, she's confused and she hates been confused.

/

Oh, how she hates been sixteen years old and completely lost in this motherfucking world.

/

Those dark thoughts are far from her mind either. Those thoughts that speak to her and try to convince her she's better of dead. Those ideas of taking an overdose of paracetamol or those sleeping pills her Doctor prescribed to her washed down with a bottle of cheap vodka.

Those twisted ideas of lying in a bath full of warm water, holding a knife to her wrist. Cutting her wrists across the veins that the bath water turns red and she dies. That idea of hanging in her wardrobe, a sorry message scribbled in lipstick on the wall.

/

She's treading on ice, she knows she is but she's far too perfect to admit she's a little bit lost and she needs help.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>developing anorexia and bulimia is one of my biggest fears. :|<p> 


	2. ii — starving for perfection

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chapter two.  
>ii. starving for perfection.<p>

She sits on the doorstep wearing a white blouse with the first two buttons undone; dark jeans; ugg boots and a black leather jacket. It's not school uniform but she doesn't care, she's the small majority that never attends school in her uniform.

Her blonde hair is neatly curled and she's wearing more makeup than necessary but it's a start. Usually, she doesn't turn up for school.

Although she should be in school in the next twenty minutes, she doesn't move from the spot outside her front door. Instead, she takes a packet of Windsor Blue cigarettes out of her handbag, puts it in her mouth and lights the cigarette.

Inhaling the cigarette deeply, she stands up from the step, grabs her handbag and walks towards the school. She arrives, on time with five minutes left before form. She's a loner at school; doesn't fit in anywhere although most assume she's an emo.

She doesn't have a label, she's Brianna. _Just Brianna_.

She walks into the main entrance, walks towards her form room and gets to the classroom, all just in time for the form tutor to open the classroom door. With a small good morning, she goes to the desk at the front, sits down and taps her fingers on the desk.

It's not long before the other students walk in and fill up the other desks. Like usual, nobody wants to sit beside her but she's relieved; if someone had sat beside her they'd spent all lesson tormenting her.

She takes one of her exercise books out of her handbag, turns to the back page and starts doodling. It's only flowers and butterflies and hearts but it's something to keep her mind occupied as the teacher's going on about the latest important news of the week.

She's drawning the outline of a flower when Dennis turns around and whispers, "Pisshead."

She drops her pencil on the table and looks up, "Wanna say that again?"

"I called you a pisshead, you stink of booze." He said it louder and the other students overheard. They burst out laughing and Brianna felt the heat rise to her cheeks. How dare he embarass her in front of everyone!

"Rather stink of booze then piss. You pissed yourself again, didn't you?" She replied. A couple of people looked surprise to see her respond as she usually took it and never said anything. As a result, his twin sister Yasmine stood up.

"You best watch your mouth, you cheeky cow. Otherwise you might find my fist init."

Brianna laughed. Yasmine wasn't much, "Love, you're the kind of girl I can't stand. The one whose arse is always hanging out of her skirt, the cocky one who is all mouth and nothing much else. Not much to look at are you love? No wonder you need your arse out. It's better looking than your face."

"Right! You've had your warning!" Yasmine shouted as she marched over to Brianna. The whole class jumped up from their seats and began to chant, some with their mobile phones out ready to film what was coming next.

Yasmine reached her and pushed her. Brianna laughed, stood up and punched her right in the jaw and grabbed her hair. Throwing her to the floor, she kicked her in the ribs a couple of times before spitting at her.

"Fucking scum." She muttered as she walked back to her seat. As she did, Tara, Yasmine's friend thought she'd get herself involved and pushed Brianna. Turning around, she screamed; "Do whores like you never give up?"

Grabbing Tara's hair, Brianna brought her head down to her knee, kneed her in the face and let go. Then, she grabbed her left arm, twisted it behind her and held her up against the wall, "Do you want me to break it?"

Tara shook her head but Brianna laughed and snapped her arm. Tara screamed in agony and she said to the class, "If someone wants to take me on, bring it on." The class put their phones away and sat down, silence growing over the classroom.

She reached her desk, picked up her handbag and left the classroom; "See you later, losers."

/

As she left the classroom, she bumped straight into her head of year. He just took one look at her and told her to get to his office. She sighed, put her handbag on her shoulder and slowly followed behind. When she reached the office, she put her bag down near the chair, sat down and crossed one leg over the other.

"Miss Lowell had to see me about your behaviour."

"Wasn't just mine Sir, it was Yasmine's and Tara's too."

"I'm not talking to them, I'm talking to you!" He answered and she sighed. It was always her getting the blame for what other people did. It was her own fault, if she wasn't as gobby as she made herself out to be, none of this would ever happen.

"The thing is Sir, me and Dennis were having a civil conversation and then Yasmine got herself involved. She pushed me and I lost my temper and I hit her. I stopped fighting with her and I was going to go back to my place but Tara pushed me."

He laughed, "Do you really expect me to believe that nonsense?"

"You believe what you want. Most of the class took evidence with their phones, go and check." There was a pause as she uncrossed and re-crossed her legs, "Actually, I've got a better idea. Just exclude me. Saves you the bother in a couple of days doesn't it?"

He shrugged, muttered something and agreed with the solution, "I'll get reception to ring you mother."

"You do that." She answered with a laugh. This school was shit.

/

"Can you cover for me, I won't be long." Lara asked Simon. She'd just got a phone call from Brianna's school asking her to pick up her daughter. This was the second time in a month, she didn't know what was going on with her daughter.

"Brianna excluded from school again? She needs discipline that girl."

"She's a teenager. She's rebellious. You'd know all about that though wouldn't you, you did sleep with a teenager after all."

"Low blow Lara." He replied back and agreed to cover for her. She went to the staff-room, grabbed her stuff from her locker and left the hospital. As she put the keys in the ignition and began to drive to the school, she started thinking about Brianna.

The last few months had been difficult. Her daughter was short tempered, moody, refusing to go to school. When she got to school, she'd misbehave, fight and argue with teachers and other students. Her grades had gone down from A's to E's and she didn't know what to do with her.

/

"Just get in the car, we'll talk about this later!" Lara told Brianna, apologised again for her daughter's behaviour and followed her out of the school. They got into the car in silence and as Lara closed the door, she asked; "What's got into you Brianna?"

"Nice act you pulled off, you know pretending to be the concerned mother and all that." Her daughter replied bitterly, "You might've fooled them but you didn't fool me."

"Grow up!" Lara answered, put the keys in the ignition.

"I'm not the one shagging ex footballers in the hospital car park." Brianna muttered underneath her breath, "Where are we going?"

"You're coming to work with me." Lara told her to which she sighed. Hospital's were a creepy place and she hated them so much. It was extremely unlucky that her mother bloody worked in one. The car journey was silent, neither of them knowing what to say to each other. They knew if one spoke; it would turn into an argument.

And neither of them had the patience for that.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review. :3


	3. iii — & they sleep in the dark

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chapter three.  
>iii. and they sleep in the dark.<p>

They were still sat in silence when Lara pulled up in the car park. She turned off the engine and turned to Brianna.

"I'm worried about you." She said gently but Brianna replied, "Well don't be! I'm a big girl, I can look after myself."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what? Like this? Because I want too!" She snapped, took off her seatbelt and grabbed her back. Opening the car door, she stepped out, slammed the door closed behind her and began to walk to the entrance of the hospital. She went inside the hospital and reached the staff-room. As she got there, Lara caught up with her.

"You can stay in here as long as you promise to stay out of trouble." She told her daughter as she put her coat and her handbag in her locker. She picked up her stethoscope and put it around her neck, "You think you can manage that?"

"Of course." Her daughter responded and brought her knees to her chest, "Contrary to believe, I'm not thick."

"I never said you were."

"You were implying it." There was a silence until Lara told her that her shift finished in less than four hours and she'd try and get out of here in time. Brianna muttered that she wouldn't hold her breath, there was always something more important than her.

The door off the staff-room closed and she sighed, wondering how an earth she'd pass four hours in here.

/

She sat cross-legged on the sofa, her science text book beside her and her exercise book resting on her knees. She had outstanding coursework to do but due to _illness_, she'd been unable to do it. Until had to complete several science questions which she hated.

It's not that science wasn't her favourite subject, she just hated all the coursework. She'd must rather be doing some practical as for her, it was easier to hold her attention. Words weren't a favourite for her, they never had been.

After working for an hour on Science questions, she decided to complete all her other coursework. She had English, Maths, and Religious Studies still outstanding. Moving her book to the side of her, she stood up and walked to the kitchen area.

Taking a glass out of the cupboard, she rinsed it out with soap and water before filling it with water and taking a sip. She stopped drinking coffee and tea weeks ago because of the calories in them. Only one cup of tea with one sugar and milk contained fifty calories.

And she drank up to three cups a day, no wonder she was getting fat!

She sat back down and took her English book out of her bag and put in her Science books. For English, they had to read Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde for their exam and if Brianna was honest, she did enjoy reading it. It had caught her attention straight away.

She brought her knees to her chest, shuffled into a more comfortable position and began to read.

/

She was sat reading when she felt her mobile phone vibrate in her pocket. She took out her mobile phone, opened up the message and read it; _got some pills if your interested. _Biting her lower lip, she swallowed hard and replied; _how many and how much?_

It was a while before he replied again and she put all her things in her bag, _fifteen pills for fifty. deal?_

With a smile, she stood up agreed to the deal and told him she'd be round shortly. She left the staff room and went to the toilets. In the toilets, she got changed out of her school uniform and pulled out the outfit she was going to wear.

It was black and white stripy dress that enhanced her bust, clear tights and heels. She put some earrings in as well as wearing a silver knecklace and bracelet and put on her leather jacket. Reapplying her makeup, she left the toilets.

"Going somewhere nice?" Bex called to her and she nodded, "Away from this dump." She smirked, said bye and left the hospital. She began to walk towards town, her handbag over her shoulder, she couldn't wait to get her hands on the tablets.

/

"Those aren't E." She exclaimed as she stared at them properly in the plastic wallet, "What are they?"

"PMA. Twice as strong as E. You'll love them babe." He told her and she looked at them again. She nibbled her bottom lip as she wondered what to do. Should she buy them or not? Nodding her head, she smiled and handed over fifty pounds.

"Look, I was wondering; could I take double the amount? I'll pay you what I own next week. I promise."

He laughed, bagged another fifteen PMA pills and handed them to her. When she accepted them and shoved them in her handbag, he ran his hand up and down her arm before whispering in her ear, "There's another way to pay me."

"Really? What've you got in mind?" She answered with a smirk as he pressed his lips to hers.

/

Lara went into the staff room to find it empty. She sighed. She'd finished an hour and a half over what she said she would and she knew Brianna had probably gone home. She opened her locker, took out her stuff and slammed it closed.

Finding her mobile phone in her pocket, she dialed Brianna's number and pressed the phone to her ear, _"hi, you've reached the phone of bree, leave a message and i'll get back to you."_

"Bree, it's mum. I've finished now and I'm sorry I was longer than I said I'd be but something came up, again. I'll see you when I get home, love you."

/

She stared at the phone as her mother's number flashed upon the screen and rejected the call. She threw her phone back on the floor and turned over, snuggling closer to her dealer.

"Who was it?" He asked and she shook her head before answering, "Nobody important."

She pressed her lips to his again and straddled him, "Round two?" He nodded and smirked, before rolling over so she was underneath him. She giggled and kissed him again but harder this time.

/

He ran his fingers through her hair before asking; "Do you wanna go out tonight?"

She was silent for a minute, thinking. Did she want to go back to her crappy house with her mother and argue? Or did she want to go out, make some money, get off her face, get pissed and pick up another guy. Well, there was no thought really.

"Of course. Shall I get ready?" She got out of bed and walked towards the ensuite. Half an hour later, after a shower, she got changed into her clothes, re-applied her makeup and looked even better than earlier. Tonight was going to be a good night, well the parts she could remember would be.

/

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave me a review.


	4. iv — i told another lie today

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chapter four.  
>iv. i told another lie today.<p>

Alive.

That's the one word to describe her. She's hyperactive, chatty and erratic. Happy, extremely happy, feels love for everyone including strangers. Colours on the dancefloor are intense and she loves the thrill.

She's dancing, chewing gum to keep herself from gurning and she's got a bottle of water in her hands. Since the bad trip on LSD a couple of weeks ago, she no longer mixes alcohol and drugs together. They don't mix and the effect becomes negative.

She's having fun and that's the main thing.

Her eyes wander across the dance floor and she finds a man, he looks too old for her but she doesn't care. He walks towards her, puts his hand on her lower back and whispers in her ear what drink she'd like.

She tells him anything as long as it's nothing alcoholic. He nods, buys them both a drink and hands it to her.

After that, she doesn't remember anything.

/

She wakes up in the girls bathroom confused and disorientated. She feels sick, her head banging and her arms and legs are covered with bruises. She sits up, trying to remember how she ended up here but she doesn't remember.

She stands up, sways side to side and stumbles out of the bathroom.

She goes back to the dance floor, tries to make her way to the exit but she keeps falling into people. She tries to apologise but her words are slurred and she knows something's happened, she's not drunk. She didn't drink so why's she acting like she did?

She gets to the door and goes outside in the cold and it's only then she realises that her handbag's missing. She turns around to go back inside the nightclub when she feels strange, like her body is floating away.

And then she falls to the floor, hits her head on the ground and falls into unconsciousness.

/

She's in the back of an ambulance on the way to Holby when she comes around for the second time that evening, "Bree?" She hears her name being called and she sits up. She still feels like she's done ten rounds with Mike Tyson.

"Back from the dead, I take it." Nikki asked and she nodded slowly before closing her eyes, "Mmm."

"Too much to drink?" She asked and Brianna shook her head, "Didn't—I'm gonna be sick." She threw up in a sick bowl. She hated been sick, it had to be one of the worst experiences ever, "Didn't drink." She repeated again.

She lent her head back and closed her eyes suddenly feeling sleepy, "Wanna sleep."

"Don't go to sleep darling, not until you've been checked over." Nikki told her as Brianna put a thumb in her mouth and began to suck it. Nikki had to think of a way to keep her awake and talking until they arrived at the hospital.

"Your mum was looking for you earlier, did she find you in the end?"

Brianna shook her head, "Hates me. Not good enough. Hates me."

"I'm sure your mum doesn't hate you Bree."

"Does. I'm not Tally so she hates me because I'm too thick and shameful." She whispered, the anger clear in her voice. Nikki thought it was best to leave the convosation about Lara before Brianna either did or said something she'd regret once she was sober.

"How's school?" She asked to which Brianna replied it was shit and she hated it, "Any idea what you want too do?" She answered she didn't know, hadn't thought about it and sucked her thumb again and closed her eyes.

/

"This is Brianna Stone, sixteen. GCS is 13. Pulse 100, BP 90 over 70. She's got a slight bump to the head plus she's intoxicated." Nikki told Harry as she wheeled Brianna into the department in a wheelchair, "Although she claims not to have drank anything."

"I've not drank anything." Brianna replied. Both Nikki and Harry looked at Brianna before Harry told her to get on the bed. She stood up, swayed slightly and pushed herself onto the bed. She sat cross-legged, staring at Nikki before she asked; "I want mum."

"You want me to ring your mum?"

Brianna nodded, "Please, Bree's poorly." She smiled a little.

/

On her way back to the ambulance station, Nikki rang Lara. It didn't take long for her to answer the phone, _"Hello?"_

"Hi Lara, it's Nikki."

It was almost instinctively that Lara knew something was wrong because she asked, _"Is Bree okay?"_

"Bree's fine. We—Comfort and I were called to a club. She was outside, passed out. She's got a slight head injury and she'ss a bit worse for wear but she'll be okay."

_"I'll be there in five, thanks Nikki." _They both ended the call and Nikki made her way back to the ambulance station, but not before stopping off at the coffee machine and grabbing two coffees, one for her and one for Comfort.

/

"What happened Bree?" Harry asked as he sat down beside her. Brianna looked back at him and shrugged her shoulders, "I don't remember."

"Have you been drinking?"

"No. I'm been honest, I haven't drank anything." Bree answered, "The last thing I remember is getting an non-alcoholic drink from the bar. I think—I'm sure it was coke. After that I don't remember anything except waking up looking like this."

He knew there probably more to the story, "Bree, did you take something?"

"Pills." She whispered, "Lots of pills." She made eye contact with him before telling him, "Don't judge me, please. I took para-methoxyamphetamine, known as PMA for short. Belongs in the amphetamine family. It's just like E. It's a party drug. That, I swear is the only drug I took."

"How many did you take?"

"Just one. I was coming off it when I got the drink. A guy give me—"

At that very moment, Lara popped her head around the curtain. She took one look at Brianna with the graze on her temple and sat down beside her. Pulling her into a hug, she kissed the top of her head and whispered, "You had me worried."

"Sorry." She answered back and looked at Harry. Harry smiled a little and left them both alone for a minute.

/

"Where've you been?" Lara asked as she broke the hug, "You could've rang me!"

"Out. Is that alright? Didn't realise I needed permission to go out and have fun."

"You do if you're going to be gone for most of the night."

"Look, I didn't bring you here to argue! If you are, just get lost."

"Don't take that tone with me you little—." Lara began but Brianna cut her off.

"Cow? I might be a cow but it's better than being a bitch." Brianna answered back. In that moment, she regretted the harsh words she'd just said to her mother because Lara slapped her across the face. It was only when Lara realised what she'd done, she left the cubicle and department.

She regretted hitting her daughter. She had never laid a finger on her before.

/

Rubbing her cheek, Brianna cursed herself. She should've known the more she pushed her mother, the more her mother would break. She didn't expect to get a slapped cheek for calling her mum a bitch though.

She was way to cocky for her own good sometimes.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>thank you to my lovely reviewers so far, you're all amazing <strong>:3<strong>


	5. v — now she's feeling drowsy

**WARNING** — graphic self-harm towards the end.

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chapter five.  
>v. now she's feeling drowsy.<p>

She chewed her lower lip hard as tears streamed down her cheeks. She hated the way she found a way to always argue with her mother and the way she hated her. Lara was a good mum. Brianna knew she was just jealous over the bond between Tally and Lara because it was better than her and Laras.

She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand as Harry walked into the cubicle.

"Can I go?" She asked, "I'm nothing but a _drunk _and I'm taking a bed which could be used by someone who is ill. I've got a slight graze on my head which is fine. And no, I don't feel sick or dizzy or have any symptoms to do with a head injury. So, please can I leave?"

"How did you get the bruises?"

"Bruises? Oh—_those _bruises. I don't know, I probably fell over."

There was a silence between them both before he asked if something happened and that's why she couldn't remember anything. She bit her lower lip, wondering what to do. Sure, she could tell him but he'd tell her mother. Doctor's always did.

"Nothing happened." She answered, "I went out. I took drugs. I met a guy. I woke up, fell over and ended up here." She fiddled with the skin around the nails, her eyes still fixed on the spot on her bed before she looked up, "End of story. Now can I go?"

"I won't be a minute, I need to speak to your mother."

/

Harry left the cubicle and headed to the staff room. He knew she'd probably be there. He stood outside for a second, wondering whether he should tell Lara what Brianna had told him earlier.

Coming to the conclusion that she was better off knowing, he opened the door and walked into the room. Lara was lent against the counter, hands wrapped around a cup of what he could only guess as coffee and he walked towards her, "She didn't mean it."

"Didn't she?" Lara replied back. There was a silence between them for a minute before Harry spoke again, "There's something you need to know about Brianna."

"Go on." She answered as she took a sip of her drink and made eye contact, "What is it?"

"Brianna's been taking drugs." The mug Lara had hold off suddenly fell out of her hands and hit the floor. As it shattered, all she could do was stare at the broken pieces. She could deal with anything; the bad behaviour, the not going to school, the staying out all night, every night.

Drugs though, drugs were a different problem all together.

/

She sat cross-legged on the bed, twisting the ring around her finger waiting for Harry to come back to the cubicle to tell her she was able to go home. Instead, her mother walked into the cubicle. The atmosphere between the two was tense especially after what happened earlier.

"How long have you been taking drugs?"

Brianna sighed, "I told him that in confidence! I guess that doesn't exist if your parents are Doctors."

"Just answer the question, Bree."

Brianna chewed her lower lip before she answered; "Two—three months, it's none of your business though. Just like it's none of my flippin' business when you go out, get drunk and bring a different guy home."

"I'm an adult—"

"And I'm a child, yes I've heard the speech plenty of times, thanks." There was that feeling between them, the awkwardness. Brianna, inside was beating herself up at how badly she always spoke to her mother. She was always trying to hurt her and she didn't know why.

"Why did you start?"

Brianna sighed, twisted the ring around her finger and answered; "I don't know. I didn't wake up one day with this desire to start taking drugs. It just happened and I started. Oh and before you mention it, no I won't go and see one of those psychologist's. I'm not addicted to them."

"Why didn't you talk to me?" She asked and Brianna looked down at the bed. What she really wanted to whisper was, _because you're never there. _Instead, she didn't say anything; scared incase she said the wrong thing and upset her mother, _again._

/

They get home and she goes to her bedroom. She doesn't want to be questioned or sit in whatever room with an arkward tension. She locks the door behind her and walks towards the bed.

She's lost everything at the club; her handbag, her clothes and worst of all; her drugs. She sighs, opens the top draw of her bedside table and rummages through her draw. Finding what she's after, she picks up some cocaine in a clear plastic bag.

With a smirk, she pours some powder onto her beside table, grabs her credit card and makes three lines. Then, she takes a straw and snorts the lines. As her noses tingles, she rubs it and starts to laugh hysterically.

/

High. Low.

High again. Low again. She grabs the nearest thing to her. Her razor blade, tears it apart and takes out the blade in the middle. Then with a laugh, she stabs the razor in her arm and carves the letter B into her skin.

It doesn't hurt as much as she thought it would and it bleeds heavily, staining her bedsheets. She carves the other letters of the word bitch into her skin and when she's finished; she drops the razor onto the bed, realising how much she's bleeding.

Grabbing a towel, she presses it to the wound and hopes it stops bleeding anytime soon.

Eventually it does and she rolls her sleeves down, buries her head on her pillow and falls asleep.

/

Emotionally and physically, she's a mess.

She doesn't know what to do anymore. She's scared of what she's become and scared of what she'll do next. Her days pass in a blur of starving herself, stuffing herself full of food, making herself sick, undertaking a ridiculous amount of exercise. Then, cutting herself; taking drugs and sleeping around.

And the worst thing of all? She's sixteen. She's a child. She shouldn't have to go through all this but she is.

And the reason why? Confusion. That's the key word to Brianna's self-destruction.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.  
>this chapter is awful isn't it? yeah, just admit it. <strong>:3<strong>


	6. vi — convinced food is too fattening

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chapter six.  
>vi. convinced food is too fattening.<p>

She woke early the next morning, the alarm clock ringing next to her bed. Picking up the clock, she threw it across the room and was relieved to hear it quieten as it collided with the wall. She turned over in bed to find the right arm of her tee-shirt full of dried blood.

Remembering what had happened last night, she took off her teeshirt, changed into a plain white tank top and got out of bed. Walking towards her wardrobe, she took out her dressing gown, wrapped it around her and walked out of the bedroom.

Heading downstairs, she was relieved to find the place empty, a note pinned to the fridge. _Had to go to work. Love you. We'll talk later. x_

Rolling her eyes, she tore the note down from the fridge and threw it into the dustbin. She grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, ran it underneath the cold tap and bit into it. Then, she began to feel guilty about eating the fruit, (no matter how little calories it contained) so she threw it away.

Returning to her bedroom, she decided to get dressed. Glancing through her wardrobe, she pulled out a pair of jeans and a blue jumper. She undressed herself before staring at her reflection in the mirror.

In her mind, the image staring back at her was **fat**. She could see every ounce of fat on her body despite there being none in reality. She still thought her thighs were enormous and her stomach was large and disgusting. In other words, she found her body repulsive.

/

However, the truth couldn't be more different.

/

She was too skinny. Her rib-cage and her hip bones stick out, her face looks graunt and she's losing her sparkle.

/

She quickly dresses, making a mental note to do some exercise when she gets home. She takes her handbag, fills it with the essestials and leaves home. She doesn't really know where to go but she finds herself following a familiar path she knows.

She arrives not long after leaving home and knocks on the door. She stands back as the door opens and a four year old boy clutching a football answers the door. She smiles at the child and asks if his dad is home.

Before the boy can answer, Jed comes to the door and she smiles, "Hi."

"Hi." He answers back, "What can I do for you?"

She fiddles with her hands, biting her lower lip before answering; "I need some drugs. I've got cash and I don't need E's. I need something stronger."

"Come in." He tells her and opens the door further. She steps into the hallway and he ushers her into the living room,

"Cocaine?" He asks but she shakes her head, "No. I want smack."

/

Lara paced up and down the car-park, her mobile phone glued to her ear; "It's not a rebellious stage she's going through. It can't be, it's been going on for months and I'm worried about her."

_"You're worrying over nothing."_

"Worrying over nothing?" Lara answered, "She doesn't go to school and when she does, she's involved in fights and excluded. Her grades have gone down. She goes out every night, she's probably sleeping around, not to mention the drugs she's taking."

_"Have you spoken to her?"_

"No, she refuses to talk to me. Plus she can't stand being in the same room with me, let alone tell me what's going on to make her act this way. I'm running out of options and I need your help Patrick, she's your daughter too."

/

She ties a piece of cloth around her arm, injects the heroin into her vein and feels okay. They talk, discuss payment methods and it's only a couple of minutes later, that she finds the place spinning. She stands up, hating the feeling of dizziness but it doesn't work so she sits back down again.

That doesn't help either and she heaves before throwing up on his carpet. After she's finished throwing up everywhere, she passes out. Jed, knowing the signs of an overdose, picks her up off the floor; lies her down on the sofa and calls an ambulance.

/

When Josh and Luke arrived at the house, they were shocked to discover that their overdose victim was Brianna. Luke knelt down beside her and felt for a pulse before checking her breathing, "Bree, can you hear me?"

"You know her?" Jed asked but Luke didn't answer his question, he just asked, "What's she taken mate?"

"Heroin."

"Do you know how much?" Josh asked to which Jed nodded. He answered that he had sold her 350 milligrams and she'd taken the lot. No-one responded to him and he felt partically guilty for selling the drug to Brianna when she obviously hadn't tried it before.

As they were taking Brianna into the ambulance, Jed asked if she'd be okay.

"For your sake I hope so." Josh answered and closed the doors to the ambulance.

/

"This is Brianna Stone, sixteen. She's taken 350mg of heroin. She's been given 500mg of Narcan. GCS is 3, pulse 60, BP is 80/60. Has everyone got a bit, on three." After three, they pulled her over to the other bed and began to work on her.

"Find Lara for me." Simon told Luke as he and Josh left Resus. As they left, Roxanne rolled up Brianna's sleeve to reveal the word bitch which she had carved into her arm the night before. She didn't know what to do so she rolled her sleeve back down but not before Simon asked what was up.

"She's cut herself." Roxanne said but Simon still didn't seem to get it, "Deliberately, it's called—"

"I know what it's called." He answered back, "She's Lara's daughter. You can't expect her not to be a little crazy."

/

_"You know I can't leave Gabby."_

"One day, that's all I'm asking. She needs to know she can talk to you about anything, that you still love her." She paused for a minute, "You know what! You've always been selfish, forget it. Gabby's obviously more important than _our _daughter."

_"Lara—_" She disconnected the call and put her phone back in her pocket. She turned to walk back into the hospital when she saw Luke walk towards her. She had a bad feeling it was about Brianna.

"Brianna's been brought in again." He told her.

She rolled her eyes, "What for this time?"

But nothing could brace her for the answer he delievered, "Heroin overdose, she's in Resus, Simon's working on her." And for the first time in months, a tear fell down Lara's cheek. She didn't realise how bad her daughter's behaviour had become. Before he notice however, she wiped the tear away.

/

Was it her failure as a mother that caused Brianna to act like this?

/

She sat in the relative's room, Luke refusing to leave her side. She had a tissue in her hand and dry mascara down her cheeks, "This, is all my fault." She told herself as she played with the tissue in her hand.

"Hey—" He began and rubbed her arm, "You weren't to know."

"Yes I am." She whispered, "I'm her mum, I'm supposed to realise when things are wrong."

They sat there in silence, the time ticking by slowly. All Lara kept thinking about was the worst case scenario, what if her daughter died? If Brianna did die, she'd never forgive herself seeing as it was her own fault. She was too busy with work to realise her daughter was slowly falling to pieces.

/

At that moment, the door opened and Simon walked into the room. Lara and Luke exchanged a glance and Luke understood, she didn't want him in the room was her and Simon spoke. As he stood up, he told her he'd be outside if she needed anything.

As the door closed behind them, she asked the one question she needed to know the answer too; "Is she okay?"

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>my medical knowledge is awful &amp; google isn't helpful much. :3<p> 


	7. vii — you'll never love yourself

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chapter seven.  
>vii. you'll never love yourself.<p>

She touched her daughter's hand but couldn't bring herself to stay. She was hurt by her daughter, angry at her and worst of all, confused. What had she done to upset her so much and cause her to act up? She took one look at her daughter and went to walk away, until a voice whispered;

"Please stay." Brianna was awake, lying on her side in the bed. Since overdosing and almost dying from taking Herion, she realised how important her mother was to her and how she didn't want to die. She needed help but saying it wouldn't be that easy.

Lara nodded, walked back towards the bed and sat down on the chair beside it. There was a silence between the two, neither of them speaking before Lara decided to break the silence by saying;

"Please talk to me, I don't know where I'm going wrong with you."

And the answer Brianna whispered back shocked Lara, "It's not you, it's me."

/

Brianna sat up and chewed her lower lip gently, "After you and dad divorced and he moved away with his _whore_, that's when it started." She admitted, "I don't blame you for divorcing dad though, he cheated, he made his choice."

She began to fiddle with the thread of the bedsheet, "But it hurt to know that dad didn't _love _us anymore and I didn't want to talk to you about it, because—I know how much it stills hurts. Plus, you were dealing with it your own way by drinking and bringing a different guy home every night."

"Bree, I'm sorry."

"What for? For being as hurt as I was about dad? For dealing with it in your own way? I just got on with life, bottled up my emotions. Then, I started getting bullied at school. It was only petty stuff, been called names but it made me feel like shit."

She could feel herself beginning to cry but she was brave. She didn't want to break down, crying was a sign of weakness;

"I started starving myself, deluded by the belief if I was _perfect, _everything could go back to the way it was. Obviously it didn't but I was caught in the trap of starving myself, binge eating and making myself sick. But I still felt like crap."

/

Lara sighed, blaming herself for her daughter's problems. She stood up and sat on the edge of the bed and made eye contact with Brianna, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. This is all my fault. If only—"

"It isn't your fault. You didn't make me do anything. All this, all the hurting you, it's my fault. I should be the one apologising for putting you through hell these past three months."

"What happened next?"

"I started going out to clubs and drinking. It was harmless, just me trying to forget everything. I met a guy, he was cute. He introduced me to drugs, E's, PMA's, Benzo's, Billy. I thouight, you know; it wouldn't hurt."

She made eye contact with Lara, "I started doing things while I was high, having sex, giving blow jobs. When I came down, I felt filthy, used, dirty. And I realised how much of a whore I was becoming so I started cutting myself and that's it, I promise. I've told you everything."

There was a silence. "I'm sorry." She whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek.

/

Lara whispered away the tear from her daughter's cheek and pulled her into a hug. As Brianna broke down in tears, Lara kissed the top of her head and told her, she was sorry too. She should've been there for her when she needed her the most.

"Not—your—fault. Mine—fault—need—help." She sobbed into her mother's chest.

Lara didn't reply. She just played with Brianna's hair, her own tears rolling down her cheeks. It didn't matter that her daughter had insisted that she took the blame for everything that happened, Lara couldn't help thinking she should've been there.

/

She should have realised but no, she was too wrapped up in her own problems.

/

It took a while for Brianna to stop crying. As she went to wipe away her tears, Lara caught sight of the cut in her arm. Gently, she took her arm and brought it towards her. She thumbed the lettering and made eye contact with Brianna.

"Next time, talk to me. Even if you want to call me a bitch, I promise I won't hurt you." Brianna didn't reply. She was too ashamed to. Instead, she crossed her arms and looked down at the bed. In that moment of silence, Lara's phone began to ring and Lara told her she wouldn't be a minute.

/

She came back two minutes later and sat back down in the chair, "Your father's on his way."

Brianna thought for a minute. She hadn't seen her father in over a year, recieved the odd telephone call or text message every now and then. She didn't even get a birthday card this year and she knew why, it was most likely to do with that _whore_.

She knew Gabby had always hated her. It didn't take a genius to work out that Gabby hated her because she'd always be her daddy's number one girl. Well, always was. It seemed she'd got her own way now.

"I don't want to see him." She answered, "Especially if he's bringing his whore."

And Lara sighed but she couldn't question Brianna's answer. He'd never been there since he got with his new girlfriend and Brianna was old enough to make her own decision regarding contact with her father.

"You don't have to see him." Lara told her daughter and smiled.

/

And for the first time in months, Brianna smiled.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.  
>there's going to be a sequel to this story, if you want to know the summary, just ask for it in your review. :3<p> 


	8. viii — never hurts, nearly works

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chapter eight.  
>viii. never hurts, nearly works.<p>

She's eventually discharged, sent home with nothing more than; "_we don't want to see you back bree_." The journey home is quiet, she doesn't talk to her mother and her mother doesn't talk to her either.

When she gets home, the first thing she does is go to bed. She lies in the bed and stares at the thinspiration photographs that she stuck to her wall all those months ago. Her desperation to be thin made her forget the important things in life.

Once upon a time she was a promising A star student who was capable of doing anything. Now she was nothing and worryingly her exams were four months away. She knew deep down, she'd fail unless, she went back to school and worked hard.

"I'll think about it tomorrow." She told herself as she pulled the duvet over her and tried to sleep.

/

She was still awake at twenty minutes to two in the morning. She spent most of the night tossing and turning before sitting up in bed and grabbing the pad from the beside table. Then, she began to write down all her thoughts and feelings.

_Dear mum; _

_I can't even begin to describe how I felt when dad left, I guess slightly betrayed and broken. I hated you for leaving him, I really did but the more I thought about what he did to you, what he did to us, I realised you made the right choice._

_After all, a relationship can only survive if there's trust and there wasn't any with you and dad was there? After dad left, you changed too. You started working more, drinking more and there was always a different guy in your life._

_I felt like I'd lost both my mum and dad in the space of a day. I wasn't happy anymore, I hated everything about life plus I couldn't enjoy anything either. I went to school and I tried my hardest to do well but all my 'friends' started to bully me._

_It wasn't anything major. Just petty names and actions, throwing paper balls at me and stuff. I didn't say a word to anyone, bottled up my emotions and tried my hardest to adapt to life. It wasn't easy, it was so hard because all I wanted to do was scream that I wasn't okay._

_But nobody would've listen anyway._

_I'd always been healthy, eat the right amount, excerised the right amount too. Then, Chantelle, she called me fat and for some reason, it made me think that my weight was the problem. So I began to starve myself, broke down at least once a week and eat everything and made myself sick to get rid of the poison._

_Of course, all this is what I told you earlier, just in a bit more depth. _

_I started going out to the clubs and drinking. I met a guy called Jed. He's sweet even if he does supply my drugs. He's older than me, he's twenty but he doesn't judge me. I started taking E's. Harmless little white drugs enabling me to dance all night._

_Then it was PMA's. They're like E. Just bigger and more dangerous. It made me forget all the shit that was going on only once I was high, I couldn't control what I was doing. I started pulling guys; sleeping with them. I felt dirty and an un-paid prostitute._

_Afterwards, I started getting these really weird thoughts. Things like slitting my wrists in the bath, jumping underneath a train and it really scared me. I was terrified I'd start to do it so every time I thought of suicide, I cut myself._

_I feel like I'm letting you down. After all, you don't deserve a daughter's who fucking selfish and only thinks of herself. I'm sorry you've had to put up with sixteen years of disappointment. We'll meet again, I promise._

_I love you. xx_

/

She re-reads the letter before folding it in half and scribbling mum on the other side. She changes o"ut of her pyjamas and into a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms and a baggy white teeshirt. She sneeks downstairs, leaves the letter on the fireplace and walks out of the house.

She finds herself heading towards his and when she gets there, she knocks on the door softly. Jed answers the door in a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms. She chews her lower lip, "I need to talk."

He yawns but nods his head, moves aside and lets her into the house. As she enters, he closes the door and tells her it's two in the morning.

"I know. I'm sorry." She begins, "I need to know, do you and me have a chance?"

"No, you were just a drugged up whore I wanted to shag." He replied but upon seeing the hurt in her eyes, he stepped towards her and nodded, "I'm joking. Of course me and you have a chance."

She smiles and he kissed her on the lips before putting his hands on her waist; "If we've got any chance of being together, there's something you've got to do."

"What's that?"

"You've got to stop selling drugs." She answered and he moved his hands from her waist. She knew she'd probably blown it by asking him but she needed to stop taking them and he needed to stop dealing them.

/

"Think of Jake, he's lost his mum already. He doesn't need you behind bars or worse, dead." Brianna told him, "If you're not going to do it for me, do it for Jake please." She begged him. There was a silence between them for a minute before he nodded.

He walked towards her, kissed her and took her hand in his, "I promise."

/

She falls asleep with her head resting on his chest. He's still awake, just running his hands through her hair, kissing her temple every now and then. He does like her a lot, she's the only one who can bring any good out of him.

He knows she's right too. Jake had already lost his mother when he was two because she walked out. He didn't deserve to lose his father through his selfish acts of supplying the community with drugs.

He kisses her once more and settles down to sleep.

/

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review :3  
>my laptop crashed and i lost everything including all my photos &amp; docs. :|<p> 


	9. ix — not enough to survive

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chapter nine.  
>ix. not enough to survive.<p>

Jed woke up as his alarm buzzed beside him. Pressing the snooze button that had popped up on his phone, he turned over to find the space beside him empty. His girlfriend Brianna never stayed till the morning, she always left in the middle of the night.

He turned over again, sighed deeply and sat up. Running a hair through his messy brown hair, he sat up in bed and wondered where an earth she could've got too. Leaving the bedroom, he headed down the corridor to check that his young son was still asleep.

Upon checking Jake, he went downstairs into the kitchen and found a note pinned to the fridge. Stepping closer so he could read it, he began to read the note that Brianna had left probably a couple of hours earlier.

_Jed & Jake;_

_Everything is complicated, too complicated for you to even attempt to understand. Everything I said last night, I meant, I promise. You and Jake, right now are my world and you're both the reasons I'm doing this. I'm going away but I don't know for how long._

_I won't disclose the reasons why, sometimes it's better not to tell all. I will tell you one day but not now, I can't. Either way, don't miss me too much. I'm really not worth missing and in the event I don't come back, remember I like you a lot._

_Bree. x_

/

He sighed and began to worry about her mental state. However, he knew Brianna and how much she hated other people getting involved in her business so he left her. He just hoped she wouldn't do something stupid.

/

Brianna had woken at Jed's at three in the morning and realising what she needed to do to put this all behind her, she had written a note and pinned it to his fridge. Then she had left and returned home. She stood on the doorstep, picked up the key in the flower pot and let herself into the house.

Closing and locking the door behind her, she took off her shoes and walked into the living room. Seeing the letter on the fireplace, she picked it up and scrunched it up before throwing it into the bin. Then she had returned to her bedroom and got changed into her pyjamas.

She let her bedroom and crept along the hall to her mother's room, "Mum?" She whispered as she walked towards the bed.

"Mum?" She called again and poked her mum's arm that was sticking out of the duvet, "MUM?" Lara opened her eyes when Brianna poked her in the arm and wondered what could be so important for her daughter to wake her up this early.

"What is it Bree?"

Brianna sat down on the edge of the bed and whispered; "We need to talk."

Lara groaned and sat up in bed, "But it's—" She looked at the clock and answered; "It's nearly four in the morning, can it not wait until later?"

"No." She whispered back and bit her lower lip, "I'm losing my mind and I'm going crazy. I'm depressed, anxious about everything. I drink too much because I need a drink to feel comfortable as well as taking drugs. I've developed an eating disorder because an imperfect body reflects on an imperfect person."

She sighs and Lara runs her fingers through her hair, "I'm such an emotional wreck and I know I need help. I'm just scared that everyone, including you, is going to find out how much of a nutcase I am and leave me. Promise me you won't leave me?"

Lara shook her head and kissed the top of Brianna's head; "I promise I'll never leave you."

/

And she settled down to sleep after that, sucking her thumb for comfort; her head on her mother's chest.

/

"Wakey wakey, sleepy head." Her mother called to her in the morning. She was still sucking her thumb, lying on the side of her body. She turned onto her back, sat up and smiled at her mother before remembering she had fallen asleep with her mother.

"I'm sorry for waking you up at." She told her, "I just needed to talk."

"I know you did and I'm glad you came to me." She smiled, "If you ever need to talk, regardless of the time, just wake me up and we'll talk. Nothing else matters other than you, you know that don't you?"

She nodded and smiled. Lara smiled back and told her to go and get ready because she was coming to work with her today. Brianna groaned, stood up from the bed and walked into her own bedroom. Opening the wardrobe, she wondered what she could wear.

Deciding on wearing her grey tracksuit bottoms and a blue baggy teeshirt, she got changed and straightened her hair, "Mum?" She called as she grabbed her mobile phone of the bedside table. She put it in her pocket and left the bedroom, pulling the door closed behind her.

"Mum?" She called again and leant against the door frame, "Do I have to come to work with you?"

"Yes, I want to be able to keep an eye on you." Lara answered back and Brianna groaned.

"But you're working a twelve hour shift and I'm going to be so bored. Please can I stay here? Or at least go out into town?" She suggested. There was a silence between the pair of them as Lara thought and she laughed before saying if Brianna didn't like it she could go to school for the day.

"Fine. I'll come." She replied and went downstairs to wait for her mother in the living room.

/

She walked into the kitchen, took a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water. Taking a sip, she walked back into the living room and placed the glass on the coffee table. Sitting down on the settee, she switched on the television using the remote control.

Like usual, there was nothing on television at twenty past seven and she left the channel on some news program. She leant forward and picked up the glass before she took another mouthful. It was at that moment that Lara appeared in the doorway, "Ready?"

"Yes." Brianna answered, turned off the television and walked into the kitchen. Pouring the water into the sink, she washed out the glass before placing it back on the side and putting on her shoes that were in the corner of the kitchen.

She closed the door behind her, locked it and walked over to the car that was sat on the drive. She opened the passenger door, got in and put on her seatbelt. Brianna knew how boring and how much today would drag, especially as she was going to be sat in the staff-room for twelve hours doing nothing.

/

Somehow, a double lesson of Maths with Mr Nulton didn't seem a bad idea after all.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.  
>will things get better for brianna and lara? only time will tell. :3<p> 


	10. x — livin' in an ordinary world

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chapter ten.  
>x. livin' in an ordinary world.<p>

They got to the hospital and Brianna took off her seatbelt and opened the car door. As she got out the car, she slammed the door closed behind her and began to walk towards the main entrance. She walked into the staff room, her mobile phone in her hand as she sat down on the settee and brought her knees to her chest.

There wasn't anything spoken between Brianna and Lara as Lara put her things in her locker. Brianna began to play on Snake, a sigh escaped her lips before she handed her a twenty pound note.

"Don't spend it all at once." She told her, kissed the top of her head and left the staff room. Brianna fiddled with the note in her hand before she folded it up gently and put it into her bra. She stood up from the sofa, left the staff room and walked towards the reception desk.

"Bex?" She called as she got to the desk, "If mum asks where I've gone, tell her I've gone home to pick something up."

She didn't wait for Bex's reply and walked down the corridor and left the hospital. As she met the cold air, she takes the packet of cigerattes out of her hoody pocket, takes one out and puts it in her mouth. Shaking her lighter, she lights the cigarette and inhales.

As she's blowing the smoke out, she walks on, leaving the hospital grounds. She's thankful that she doesn't live that far away from the hospital.

/

She's almost home and she turns the corner but as she does, she's confronted by Yasmine, Tara and a girl she's never met before.

"Want a word with you!" Yasmine hissed as Tara and the other girl circled her. Brianna started to laugh, "It's taken you how long to find me?"

"I wouldn't get cocky, not if you know what's best for you."

"Me cocky? Look who's talking?" Brianna answered. At that moment, the girl who's name she didn't know punched her in the mouth. Tasting blood, Brianna knew she had a fight on her hands but she knew three against one was going to end in disaster.

And she'd end up getting battered.

/

She ended up being punched to the floor and kicked repeatedly. When they had enough, all three of them spat at her and walked off. Brianna stood up, rubbed her hands together and slowly walked up to the third girl, tripped her up and grabbed her hair.

"Your fucking hurting me!" The girl screamed as Brianna held her head to the floor. Tara and Yasmine stood there wondering what they could do to help the girl. Yasmine got behind Brianna, grabbed a fistful of hair and dragged her away from the other girl.

"Good!" Brianna screamed ss Yasmine dragged her up off the floor, she grabbed a fistful of Yasmine's hair and managed to get out of Yasmine's grip.

Bringing her face down to her knee, Brianna cracked her nose and let go off her before Tara got herself involved. With a punch to the face, Brianna cracked her jaw which left Tara crying out in pain. Whilst this happened, the third girl ran off leaving it two against one.

Both Yasmine and Tara looked at each other and backed Brianna into a corner.

"You're gonna pay for this." They warned her and she laughed, grabbed both their heads and smashed their heads together. Laughing, Brianna ran off home despite her whole body aching and her mouth been full of blood.

/

Reaching home, she unlocked the door and walked inside. There's a pile of evnvelopes on the mat and she bends down, picks them up and closes the door behind her. She flicks through them as she heads into the kitchen, all of them addressed to her mother except the very last evnvelope.

She puts them on the kitchen counter and reads the front of hers. She doesn't need to open it to know who it's from, it's from her father. She opens the letter through curiosity and doesn't like what she finds on the lined page inside.

Her father is having a baby and she's going to have a half-sibling.

She tears the paper up, throws it in the bin and sighs. She goes upstairs and looks in the bathroom mirror at her face. Luckily, it's okay. The only major cut to it was the split lip that was beginning to bruise over. She wondered what her mother would say if she found out she was fighting, _again._

Going into her bedroom, she picks up the book Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde from her bookshelf and went back downstairs. Leaving the house once again, she locked the door behind her, shoved the book and the key in her hoody pocket and made the short journey back to the hospital.

As she gets to the hospital, she sits outside, lights up another cigarette and inhales. Blowing the smoke out, she begins to think about the half-sibling she'll probably never met and wonders why her father couldn't just stay with her mother.

None of this would have happened, right?

/

"Brianna?" Nobody ever called her Brianna, everyone always called her Bree. She blew out the cigarette smoke and looked up.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.  
>is anyone still reading this? i got no reviews on the last chapter :(<p> 


	11. xi — & now i just bleed

**notes** — loads of ideas, not enough time to write.  
>i think i have about four ideas for stories at the moment :3<p>

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chapter eleven.  
>xi. and now i just bleed.<p>

Her eyes fell upon her father. She didn't speak, she didn't know what to say. After not seeing her for a couple of months, she was surprised he even remembered he had a daughter. Taking another drag of her cigarette, she flicked it onto the floor and stood up.

"What do you want?"

"I've come to see you." He said gently but she shook her head. She thought he had some cheek to turn up. Staring at him, she didn't speak for a moment before she answered; "Well, you've had a wasted journey because I don't want to see you."

She started to walk past him but he grabbed her arm to stop her, "Brianna? I know you're mad at me."

Brianna pulled her arm free from her father's grip and laughed; "Mad? No, I'm not mad. I'm pissed off! You leave us, send the odd crappy letter, ring me occasionally whenever it suits you! You weren't there when I needed you the most and you think showing up is going to change it?"

"Brianna—" He began but she cut him off, "It's Bree, not Brianna!"

She stormed off into the hospital only for Patrick to follow her. She could feel herself losing her temper as her fists clenched with anger and she began to take deep breaths before she did something stupid.

"I swear to god, if you don't leave in five seconds; you're going to regret coming back."

"Don't talk to me like that!" He answered. He couldn't believe how much his daughter had changed. Then again, who could blame her? She'd had a lot to deal with recently and the last couple of years,

"Like what? Like you're shit? The minute you cheated and walked out, you gave up any right to be my father now, piss off!" Their argument in the middle of reception had already created a fuss and Bex had sent Tally to find Lara before Brianna did something something.

Patrick was too stubborn to leave.

Seeing red, Brianna punched her father in the mouth. As her fist collided with his mouth and pour with blood, Brianna was shocked that she had even lost her temper. Patrick stumbled backwards himself shocked to receieve a punch in the mouth from his own daughter.

/

She ran into the bathroom and slid down the wall, tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew her father probably hated her even more now and that her mother would hate her too.

"Bree?" She looked up as her mother sat down beside her, "I heard what happened."

"I'm sorry." She apologised as she lent her head against her mothers shoulder, "I didn't mean to hit him."

"I know, I'm sure he knows that too." There was a silence between them neither of them speaking.

"I was mad. I heard nothing for months apart from the shitty letters and the phone call once a month. Then he turns up and thinks everything's the same. It isn't and never will. You changed, I changed and he's the only one living in a fantasy world thinking it's all going to be okay."

Lara sighed, "You know he's still your father and he loves you."

Brianna swallowed, wiped away a tear and nodded; "I know that but I don't forgive him for what he's done. You might have but I can't. I can't trust him either because I'm scared the minute I get close to him, he's going to leave me again."

"Why don't you tell him that?" Lara asked and Brianna shrugged her shoulders. The reason she didn't say anything was because she never liked to tell how she really felt inside. She'd much rather suffer in silence. And that was a difficult habit to break.

/

She sat outside the hospital, smoking her second cigarette in the past half an hour. She needed the nicotine to calm her down and she must admit, it was doing it's job. She took another drag, flicked the ash of the cigarette and blew out the smoke.

She found herself thinking back to her fathers letter than she had found this morning. How did she feel about having a half-sibling? Well, in one way she was excited because she hated being the only child but she didn't want a half-sibling.

She wanted her brother/sister to be with both her mother and her father.

Stubbing out the cigarette against the wall, she put the remaining half in her cigarette packet and counted how many she had left. Gutted because she only had four left, she knew she'd have to find someone to buy her them.

Standing up from the wall, she began to walk back inside, her arms folded across her chest. She made her way through to cubicles and wondered where her father was. She knew she needed to apologise for earlier. Finding out from Charlie that he was in cubicle nine, she walked towards it; her stomach doing somersaults.

She opened the curtain and sighed; "Dad?"

Patrick looked up from staring at his mobile phone, "Bree." She smiled a little and he smiled back. Brianna slowly walked towards the bed and sat down beside her father, still feeling nervous.

"I'm sorry." She admitted, "I didn't mean to hit you."

"I know." He smiled, "I'm sorry for pushing you." There was a silence between the both of them before Brianna thought the best way to say it was to get it over and done with, especially as he wasn't saying much himself.

"I'm scared of trusting you because I feel you're going to leave me again." She swallowed hard, "I know you and mum can never get back together and that doesn't bother me, nor does it bother me you've moved on. It just hurt me when you lied and you cheated and then you left."

Patrick was about to answer but thought against it. Brianna bit her lower lip as a tear slid down her cheek, "You didn't even say goodbye." And without another word, she sat up and walked out of the cubicle not expecting her father to go after her.

/

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.  
>thank you to everyone who keeps reviewing, you're amazing :3<p> 


	12. xii ― tell me your secrets

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chapter twelve.  
>xii. tell me your secrets.<p>

The walls were painted a cream colour, a border across the middle with pink flowers, sunshine, rabbits and grass. Things that people often associated with happiness, Brianna thought. There were a number of pictures which had no doubt being drawn by children during their sessions.

Brianna sat down on the chair that was furthest way and crossed one leg over the other. The middle-aged woman sat down opposite her and put a brown file on the table that was located inbetween them both.

"Hello, I'm Lynn. I'm a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist who'll be working with you."

Brianna nodded, "It's nice to meet you. I'm Brianna, Bree."

"So Bree, tell me about yourself?"

Fiddling with the locket that she had brought with her, Brianna shrugged her shoulders. She was silent for a minute, staring above the woman's head at the clock on the wall, watching the small hand move around the clock. Eventually, she began to speak;

"I'm Brianna, spelt with two n's. I'm sixteen and I still go to school. I'm the daughter of two Doctors and the only child."

"And why do you think you'll benefit from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?"

Again she shrugged; "I think CBT will benefit me because―well, it'll help me deal with things. You know, all the confusing emotions and stuff inside. The things you can't share with your parents. You know what I'm trying to say don't you?"

"Yes." Lynn answered and smiled warmly at Brianna.

/

When Brianna left the room sixty minutes later, she felt better than she had done in months. She had told the therapist what she did as a coping stragety, for instance, starving herself, self-harming and using alcohol and drugs as an emotional support.

She was scared telling a complete stranger, worried that Lynn would turn around and tell her to grow up and deal with it. She was relieved when Lynn didn't even comment on what she was doing to herself. Instead, she just said they'd work together to find new ways of coping.

Clutching the small appointment card with next Tuesday's date written on the front, she put it in her jean pocket and took out her mobile phone. She turned the phone on and checked facebook as she walked out of the Treehouse unit.

Walking along the corridor, she reached the lift and pressed the button. When the lift arrived at the floor, she stepped inside and pressed button number one which would take her back to Accident and Emergency.

She got out of the lift at Reception and looked around. The place was heaving with people and she knew her mother wouldn't be home until late, if not the early hours of the morning. Slowly walking to the reception desk, she leant against it and said to Tally.

"Can you pass a message to my mother? Tell her I've gone home, I'm on my mobile if she needs me."

Tally said she'd pass the message on and Brianna turned to leave. She walked out of the hospital, put her hands in her hoody pocket and started to walk towards the bus stop. When she reached the bus stop, she read the bus times, checked her phone and checked the bus times again.

She didn't have to wait long. She stuck her arm out when she saw the bus and got on.

_"Child to town please." _She handed over the correct amount, took her ticket and sat at the back of the bus. For half two in the afternoon, the bus was pretty empty which was quite surprising. Most of the time, she could never get a seat!

/

She got off the bus at the bus station and walked up the hill into the centre of town. She thought coming here would be better than going home but if she was honest, she'd much rather be at home right now.

As she was walking past River Island, window shopping; she walked past an old school friend Charlotte. Or at least, she thought it was. Brianna hadn't seen Charlotte since year eight when Charlotte dropped out due to bullying.

"Lottie?" She called. The girl turned around and looked Brianna up and down, "Bree?"

"Oh my god!" She squeeled, "Where an earth did _that _come from?" Brianna asked and pointed to her baby bump. Charlotte walked towards Brianna and embraced her in a hug or as much as she could with a bump in the way.

"I know, what am I like ey?"

"Congratulations! How far gone are you?"

"Only got six weeks left. I'm having a little girl, name is picked and everything."

"What are you calling her?" Brianna asked with a smile, "Lily-Rose."

"Such a beautiful name. Look, I've probably wasted your time. I'll let you get going." She smiled again but Charlotte shook her head and insisted she didn't need to be anywhere in a hurry. She suggested going to Starbucks and grabbing a coffee. Brianna agreed. She didn't have much else to do.

/

Sitting at the table in Starbucks, a cup of latte in her hands, Brianna asked; "So how are your parents?"

"Separated. Dad moved to Edinburgh with his company and mum stayed here. She remarried, got twin girls now and I gained about half a dozen step-siblings. What about your parents? Are they still together?"

Brianna laughed, "No." She took a sip of her coffee, "Separated and divorced. Dad's not in the picture, got a girlfriend and a kid on the way. Still live with mum, she's single. Whose the father of the little one?"

"Just some lad I met, we're not together anymore."

"You scared about doing this on your own?"

Charlotte nodded and Brianna smiled and took another mouthful of coffee. As she did, Charlotte's mobile phone on the table begin to vibrate. She apologised, accepted the call and walked outside to take it.

She came back five minutes later and told Brianna that she had to be going but it was nice to catch up. Brianna nodded, thanked her for the coffee and scribbled herr name and mobile number of a paper napkin. Charlotte smiled, folded it up and put it in her pocket before leaving.

/

Brianna finished her coffee and stood up from the seat. She left the cafe and told herself it was probably time to be getting home. She walked down the hill towards the bus station, counting the loose change in her hand.

The bus was already in and Brianna got on, asked for a Child to Holby and sat down at the back of the bus again. Unlike the first, the bus was pretty packed and there were only a few seats left at the back. Pushing the ticket down the side of the seat, she took out her mobile phone and checked the time.

15.48pm. Yawning, she covered her mouth with her hand and lent her head on the window. The bus driver began the engine and Brianna took out her mobile phone and began to play on Snake. Least it was something to pass the boring bus journey.

A stop after the Hospital, Brianna rang the bell and walked down the middle of the bus. Thanking the bus driver as he stopped at the bus stop, she got off the bus and began to walk down the main road where her house was.

Reaching her house, she bent down and moved the flower pot to take the key. Putting the key in the door, she unlocked it and walked in. Closing the door behind her, she locked the door behind her and left the key on the table.

Taking off her shoes, she left them neatly at the bottom of the stairs and walked upstairs. Getting to her bedroom she pushed open the bedroom door, stepped into her bedroom and closed the door.

Throwing herself onto her bed, she took out her mobile phone and set her alarm for half six. Placing the mobile on the bedside table, she pulled the duvet over her and rested her head on the pillow waiting for sleep to take over.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review. / [ i think people are getting sick of this story because hardly anyone has been reviewing. either way, if there's **anything** i can improve on; leave it in a review. it's the only way i'm going to get better :3 ]


	13. xiii ― i don't want them to hurt you

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chapter thirteen  
>xiii. i don't want them to hurt you.<p>

Lara arrived home at seven, exhausted from a long shift at the hospital. As she pushed her key into the lock and stepped into the house, she heard Brianna tell her she was in the living room. Closing the door behind her, she left her keys on the side and hung up her coat.

Walking into the living room, she smiled at her daughter and collasped on the sofa beside her.

"How did your first session go?"

Brianna rested her head on her mother's shoulder and nodded, "Better than I thought."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And do you think you'll benefit from it?" Brianna nodded. She felt like she could deal with her problems now rather than later. She knew she had ruined her life these past couple of months and she'd do anything to repair it. Even if it meant ages in therapy.

"Good." Lara answered and kissed her forehead. They sat in silence for a minute before Brianna began to speak.

"Oh, you never guess who I saw today." Lara asked who and she began to tell her about her little chat with Charlotte and how she was pregnant. Lara was shocked. Charlotte and Brianna weren't the best of friends but they were friends until Charlotte moved school.

After that, Brianna got up of the sofa and went upstairs to retrive her mobile phone. As she walked downstairs, she decided to text Jed. With a smile, she typed out; _Hiya, how's you? How's Jake too? Got a present for him (: xx_

She was grateful that Jed had agreed to give her some time to put herself back to pieces. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too long before Brianna was better, in a relationship with Jed and giving Jake a positive rolemodel. Although, in her eyes she wasn't that better than Jed.

/

She put her phone on the coffee table and sat down. It was almost instant that the phone vibrated back and Lara asked who it was.

"Aren't you nosey?" She answered with a smirk, picked up her phone and opened up the text message, "For your information, it's Jed."

Jed had texted her back with; _Yeh gd bbe. So iz Jake. :D Need a fav. x _She typed back that she'd take him up on his offer if she knew what it was. Again it wasn't long before he replied, asking if Brianna could have Jake for a couple of days.

Now she wasn't too sure. After all, how would Jake react? He hardly knew her after all. Turning to her mother, she smiled cheekily before she asked if it would be okay if Jed's little boy stayed for a couple of nights.

Lara wasn't happy but agreed to have a little boy stay in the house. Typing back that she could have him a few days, she kissed her mothers cheek and left the living room, grabbing her coat and putting it on. Closing the door behind her, she walked down the street, the cold air making her shiver.

/

Reaching Jed's house, she knocked on the door and took a step back. A couple of seconds later and Jed opened the door, nervously looked around and ushered Brianna into the house. Frowning, she wondered what had happened.

When she saw him properly, she gasped. He'd definitely been in a fight of some sort. He had a black eye and bruises and cuts covered his face. She nibbled her lower lip, unsure what to say at first and just came out with the obvious.

"You look a mess."

"Yeah Bree I know." She touched his cheek and asked, "What the fuck happened?"

"Got myself in a right pickle, ain't I?"

"I don't know have you?" He nodded and told her everything. He said that since he stopped doing drugs, he had no money so he began to borrow money from loan sharks. As a result, he was quickly spiralling into debt and they had battered him after a non-payment.

"And that's why you want me to look after Jake?"

"Please Bree. I don't want Jake to see me like this."

"Where is he now?"

"My sisters." She said she'd keep him for as long as she could. He said thanks and then she asked what he was going to do. He didn't really know. He hoped to move somewhere and find a house for them to rent and when she was ready, she could live with them.

/

She smiled but she didn't believe it. She thought she was been taken for a mug by an older man. Before she could say that she didn't think that would happen, he kissed her softly on the lips leading her back to square one with him. Falling for him.

/

"I best be getting back, mum will be worried." She told him as she sat up in bed. He whispered that he wished she could stay and she laughed. Jokingly, she said he wouldn't want that and began to put on her clothes.

"I'll text you in the morning, he'll need picking up from school at three, okay?"

She nodded and he kissed her one last time. Kissing him had sparked the passion inside her again and she pushed him away with a smile. He waved her off and she began to walk back home, unaware that someone had been watching their every move.

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**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.


	14. xiv ― it's not like you to say sorry

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chapter fourteen.  
>xiv. it's not like you to say sorry<p>

She was walking along the street, her headphones plugged into her ipod, oblivious to the world around her. She wasn't worried, she had walked home in the early hours of the morning a handful of times and this time wouldn't be any different.

She noticed in the corner of her eye a car pull up beside her and she took out her headphones, "Yeah?"

And that's when it happened so quickly. She was grabbed for behind, a piece of cloth held to her face and when her body suddenly became limp, she was dragged into the back of the car unconscious.

/

"Daddy? Wake up daddy."

The gentle voice of a child woke Brianna up. She opened her eyes and blinked several times, getting used to the light. She recognised the house she was in. It was Jed's but she was certain she had left last night.

Slowly, she got to her feet and noticed that she was covered in blood with a kitchen knife beside her. She slowly walked into the living room where the room had been turned upside down and trashed. Jed was lying in the middle of the floor, surrounded by a pile of blood.

Jake, his four year old son was sat beside him, trying to get him to wake up.

"Jake?" She swallowed as the youngster made eye contact with her, "I need you to get the phone, dial 999 and ask for an ambulance, can you do that?"

He nodded, oblivious to the fact Brianna and his father were both covered in blood. He ran into the hall where the phone was kept and Brianna walked towards Jed. As she knelt beside him, she whispered, "Please Jed. Wake up. Please."

/

Nikki and Comfort received the call and arrived at the house four minutes later. The front door was smashed in and there was a four year old boy on the doorstep. Nikki and Comfort got out of the ambulance, grabbed their equipment and walked towards the house.

"Hello, did you call for the ambulance?" Nikki knelt down to the boys level as Comfort walked into the house.

Jake nodded, "Daddy won't wake up."

"Okay sweetie, can you tell me your daddy's name?"

"Jed. Daddy's name is Jed. My names Jake."

"Alright Jake, I'm Nikki. Everything is going to be okay."

/

Comfort found Jed lying in a pool of blood with a young girl knelt beside him, "Can you tell me what happened sweetheart?"

"I don't know." She whispered and looked up from Jed. Her eyes fell upon Comfort and she bit her lower lip. When Comfort realised that Brianna was involved, she shouted Nikki who told Jake she wouldn't be a minute and came into the living room.

"Yeah?"

Comfort nodded towards Brianna and Nikki was shocked to discover Brianna was covered in blood, "Bree? Are you hurt?"

Brianna shook her head, "No. Don't know. Where's Jake? Is Jake okay?"

Nikki nodded, "Jake's fine, he's outside. Now, Bree, what happened?"

She didn't answer. She just looked down at Jed. He was a pale blue colour and she wasn't stupid. She's been surrounded by death more than anyone. She knew blue was the colour someone went when the blood stopped pumping around their body.

"He's dead isn't he?" And when Comfort nodded, she burst into tears and whispered, "This is all my fault."

/

Brianna went outside where Jake was throwing the football against the wall. He seemed unaware that his father lay dead on the living room floor, "Jake?"

He stopped throwing the ball allowing it to roll into the bushes at the front of the house, "Bree, is daddy okay?"

She knelt down and gestured him to come towards her. He did and it was then that she pulled him into a hug and told him, "Your daddy won't be going home."

"Why?" He asked as he broke out of the hug and stared Brianna in the face.

She sat down on the floor and Jake sat on her lap, "There's a place where people go when they can't wake up anymore. It's a special place called Heaven. You see the clouds?" Jake nodded and Brianna carried on, "It's up there Heaven. At night, there's stars. Look for the brightest star, that'll be your daddy."

"But who's going to look after me now?"

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><p><strong>notes<strong> — so, i want to apologise for taking so long to update. i had a bit of writer's block but it's gone now so expect weekly updates :3


	15. xv — & i'm lost and confused

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chapter fifteen.  
>xv. and i'm lost and confused.<p>

Brianna didn't say anything, she just held Jake in her arms and kissed the top of his head. She hadn't thought of who'd look after Jake after his father's death. She just presumed Jed's sister would, "What about Auntie Layla?"

"Auntie Layla doesn't like me."

"Oh." She answered back and Jake got up from her lap and went to retrive his football from the bushes. As he was gone, Brianna wondered what she should do. Here she was unable to remember if she'd killed Jed, covered in his blood and wondering what to do with his four year old son.

"Jake?" She called and he came back towards her, his football in his hands, "Yes Bree?"

"I need you to go with my friend Nikki to the hospital. She's going to look after you, okay?"

He nodded and Nikki, who had listened to the conversation took Jake's hand and led him to the ambulance whilst asking him lots of questions. Brianna knew she was trying to distract him from everything around. She stood up and looked at the Police who'd just arrived.

"Best get this over and done with, hadn't we?" She said as she walked towards the Patrol Car.

/

Picking up the plastic cup that was on the table, Brianna took a sip, "I didn't kill him."

The male Detective looked at his partner and smirked, "Then how do you explain his blood on your clothes?" The woman Detective watched Brianna closely. All she saw was a young girl, terrified of something. It was the eyes you see, the eyes always gave it away.

"You see, you're only presuming it's his blood. Nothing's been confirmed yet has it?"

"So, what happened Brianna? Did you have an argument? Did he hit you, is that why you killed him? Got sick of being the punchbag in your relationship?"

"I told you, I _didn't _kill him."

The Detective looked down at his clock before saying; "Interview suspended at two-thirty pm." And without another word, she was left in the interview room with only her solicitor to keep her company.

/

"I'm showing the suspect item 23." The female Detective showed Brianna the knife which she'd seen earlier, "Have you ever seen this before?"

She picked up the plastic cup of water and took a sip before answering, "No."

"Can you explain to me how your fingerprints were found on it?"

"No." Brianna answered. She knew that it didn't look good for her. Blood on her clothing, her fingerprints on a knife and no memory of what actually happened. Even Brianna began to doubt whether she was innocent or not.

"What happened? You can tell us. Did he hurt you? Threaten to hurt your family?"

"No!" Brianna snapped, "No. He didn't do anything like that. Look, how many times do I have to tell you, I _didn't _kill him. The bastard who did is out there and you're in here thinking I did it. Why would I? I had no motive."

"But you had opportunity?" The male Detective answered and Brianna was about to answer when her solicitor answered that he'd like a few minutes with his client. As the Detective left the room and closed the door, her solicitor began to tell her what he wanted her to say.

/

She began to fiddle with the pen in her hand, "The evening I went round to speak to Jed, he told me a few things." She looked at her solicitor who nodded for her to continue, "He—He told me he'd got involved with some Loan Sharks, they'd battered him for a non payment."

"Go on, we're listening."

"He wanted me to look after his son. He said Jake didn't need to see him like this. I agreed. I left about an hour or so afterwards. Then, I don't remember anything until I came across Jake and his father's body."

"Do you know why Jed got involved with Loan Sharks?"

Brianna glanced at her solicitor and answered, "He used to deal drugs, I told him to quit. He had Jake to think about. He said he would and he did. He said he had to borrow money to keep a roof over their heads."

Both Detectives looked at each other before one said, "Interview terminated at three fifteen pm." As he pressed the button to stop the recording, he told her she'd been helpful. Nodding slowly, she was led back to her cell and as the door was closed behind her, she sank to the floor and cried.

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><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.


	16. xvi — the sun is shining every day

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chapter sixteen  
>xvi. the sun is shining every day<p>

"Do you think she did it?" The female Detective asked the Male as she took a plastic cup of coffee out of the machine.

"No but she's got motive and opportunity, not to mention the evidence is pointing that way." As the female passed the male the coffee, another Detective told them there was something very interesting that they needed to see.

/

"I demand my client should be released. You have absolutely nothing to keep her here!"

"Mr Daniels, your client is a suspect in a murder inquiry. We have every right to keep her here until we believe she's no longer a suspect. Now Brianna, you said you left Jed's last night and don't remember going back?"

"That's right."

"Is there anyway you could've gone down Longton Avenue?"

She frowned before picking up the plastic cup, "I could've done. Why?"

"Have you ever seen this before?" The female Detective asked, "For the tape I'm showing the suspect, evidence item twenty-two." In a plastic bag was a familar pink ipod that Lara had got Brianna one christmas. As she looked at her solicitor, she nodded, "Yeah, that's mine. Where did you get it?"

/

Free to go, they told her not long after. She was glad to finally be aloud to leave the station, she hated been branded a murderer when she would never have hit Jed. Okay, he did her head in sometimes but she wouldn't have killed him. She could never kill anyone, that's for sure.

She went to the hospital because she wanted to see Jake. He needed her more than anything right now.

"Bex?" She called as she got to reception, "Did Nikki bring in a little boy? About three to four hours ago?"

"Yeah she did." She answered not bothering to look up from her magazine. Brianna sighed, not bothering to ask her anything else. How the hell she managed to get the job, Brianna would never know. She always seemed more interested in doing her nails or reading gossip then actually working.

Walking through to the cubicles, she could hear Jake's excited chatter a mile off. Following his voice to the other side of the cubicles, she saw him chatting excitedly to Roxy. She stood in front of his bed and waited for him to acknowledge her.

"Bree!" She smiled, walked to the bed and kissed his forehead.

"Hiya cheeky." She told him and Roxy watched how maternal Brianna was to a child that wasn't biologically hers.

"Look Bree. Roxy put a bandage on my arm because it's poorly. I had to stick my tongue out for the kind Doctor too." She smiled as he chatted away happily about what they'd done for him to keep him company, "And I got to go in the ambulance, they put the nee-naws on for me."

She smiled. It was hard to believe that this little boy had only, a couple of hours earlier, been through a traumatic event.

Brianna turned to Roxanne and thanked her for keeping Jake company and would she mind finding Lara for her. Roxy said she wouldn't and as she left the cubicle, she noticed Jake look around. She knew he was looking for Jed, Jed was the only one he had in life.

/

"Can I have sweets?" She looked down at Jake and smiled slightly. She knew what Jed's policy was on sweets during the week. Although she was sure, Jed would make an exception for today.

"Yes, you can." She answered back as she took some money out of her pocket. She had enough for a chocolate bar out of the vending machine and she got up off the bed, took his hand and help him off the bed.

"Ssh, we'll sneak off, yeah?" He nodded with a smile and clutched her hand tightly. They left the cubicle and walked towards the vending machine. As she pushed the money in, he looked at what chocolate bar he wanted.

"Snickers please."

"Are you sure?" She asked, "They've got nuts in it."

"It used to be daddy's favourite." He whispered and she knelt down beside him, "Come here." She whispered to him and pulled him into a hug. He rested his head on her shoulder and began to cry as she rubbed her hand up and down his back.

"Your daddy is still with you. He's in your heart, he'll always be there."

/

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> — a massive, massive thank you to elly for reviewing all the chapters. you don't know how happy you made me. (:


	17. epilogue — i've walked that road

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epilogue.  
>i've walked that road, exhausted.<p>

She was sat on the slightly damp grass watching her two small children play. The oldest one, Jake wasn't biologically hers but one she loved as equally as her own biological child. The youngest, Jade was running around after him trying to get the football from him.

Jake was seven years old whilst Jade had only just turned two. It was a bittersweet meaning between the two because she knew Jake vaguly remembered his father and Jade didn't know who he was.

Brianna had done well for herself, despite the fact that less than three years ago she was a mess. She'd overcome her addictions to self-injury, alcohol and drugs and was still recovering from bulimia and anorexia.

Despite that, she'd left school aged sixteen with nine GCSE's, seven of which were B's and two which were an A's. She'd planned to go to college afterwards but on discovering she was pregnant, she had to put her plans on hold.

Her parents had also got back together but Brianna still wasn't able to trust her father. Overtime, she was able to trust him and her half-sister, the child her father had fathered with another woman came to live with them. She was called Millie.

She moved out of Holby with her parents. They all settled in Newcastle and she was glad to be away from all the bad memories. The children had settled well and she was pleased.

"Mummy, come and play." Jade told her as she ran straight at her mother. Pulling her into a hug, Brianna kissed her cheek before telling her that she'll chase her. Jade giggled and ran off, hiding behind her brother as Brianna ran towards her.

She was happy, the children were happy and Brianna knew she could get through anything in life.

All she needed was the love of _her _two children and those who believed in her.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review. :3

**i** — this isn't the ending had planned for the story but because of lack of interest in this story, i've decided to end it early to focus on other projects that i have currently going on. who knows though, one day brianna might make an appearance in another story.


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